life is not always beautiful

i'm so damn pissed with myself... why am i allowing them to hinder me from doing the things that i want?!?!? putang takte!!!! nawibwisit na ako sa buhay ko!!!

i'm back to ranting... i used to rant because of so many things that I have to do and think about... now i'm pissed because of boredom and because I can't do what I want!!! Putang ina! kanino bang buhay to?! Buhay ko to?! Bakit ba kasi ang daming pakialamero sa mundo?!!! I'm an adult for crying out loud!!! why can't I just do the things I want and to hell with the people around me? Why can't they just support me in the things that I want to do instead of pushing me on doing things that they thinks is best for me? why?

AmI not allowed to make my own mistakes and learn from them?! Am I not allowed to start from the bottom and climb up from there? DO I always have to start from where they choose I start?! Do I always have to do what they're telling me to do? Why can't I just do what I want!??!?!?!?! Shit! I so hate myself right now!

I've always been for doing what you want and damn those who look down on you and think they're better than you because of the choices you made... Yeah sure I do sometimes succumb to the temptation of looking down on people... But I don't necessarily tell them to do this and do that because that would be better for them... I SUGGEST the possible things that they can do to better their lives or whatever... but I never interfere with their lives... Buhay nila yon, they make their own choices and they make their lives... They'll be the one living with the consequences of whatever it is they chose to do... NOT me...

So why aren't these people NOT leaving me alonE!!!! I know my own mind... although I may not know what I exactly want sometimes, I KNOW WHAT I DON'T WANT TO DO!

A day, a week, a month, or a year from now... I might think differently from what I feel and wrote today... but as of now... that's what I think and feel...