naisip ko lang habang nakahiga ako... with my ipod on... trying to sleep... while my witch of a sister is watching a movie I rented but haven't watched yet because I was reserving it for later... even though she knows that I hate it when she watches a movie which I haven't watched yet while I'm still awake and in the same room... i'll stop... before I say anything which I might regret later when she, eventually, decides to wash the dishes because of my pestering...
anyway... yup... that was just an intro to my state of mind while I'm writing this... obviously i'm pissed... anyway... AGAIN...
I couldn't help but think about LOOOOVVVVVEEEE while I was trying to sleep moments earlier... (di ko na itinuloy muna ang attempt na matulog kasi napapaisip lang ako... kaya ito sinusulat ko na lang) bakit? because....
(1) the movie that my sister is watching is a romantic comedy which I'm trying not to watch and listen to because I want to watch it later... so
(2) i turn on the ipod and listen via earphones to block the movie sounds... kaya lang, it plays various kinds of love songs... i always shuffle the playlist to avoid favoritism... hehehe yeah i know... im crazy...
SO... i can't help but think... hey! I've never been in love...
well, yeah I love my friends and my family... I love them so much that the idea of them not being around hurts so much, it brings tears to my eyes (literal yan)... but I've never ever been romantically IN love... i've had crushes... not simply crushes... major crushes... oh yeah, not just major crushes... CHIEF of STAFF crushes even... but I've never had that butterfly-in-the-stomach feeling that most people describe love to be...
I just realized that I've never felt it and I'm not even looking for it... I'm not even envious of the people who've already had it... hehehe... well.. how can you be envious of having a feeling which brings a person so much pain... HELLO!!! im not a masochist.. yeah I like to cry... SOMETIMES... but it's just because it's an outlet for me... not because I like PAIN!
yeah yeah! people in love or those who have been in love would say... you don't know what you're missing... It's the most wondrous feeling yada yada yada... but is that feeling worth it when time and again I'd be listening to friends crying all about a broken heart... all about how it hurts because their feelings are not reciprocated... about how it hurts so much because even if they have feelings for each other, it's just not the right moment or it's just not meant to be or whatever...
why would anyone want to waste their energy thinking about lost love... or thinking about love that wasn't even lost because it wasn't given in the first place... why do people cry so much about it? yeah they eventually move on, but they waste so much of their time crying over it, I don't want to say its pathetic, but it kind of is... crying over it for about... hmmm.. siguro a month or two is reasonable... I THINK... but some people really just don't know when to stop! I've HEARD, it takes a year or two for some people to get over someone... ewan di ko maimagine... medyo may pagkamakitid ang utak ko sa usapang ganito... di ko lang kasi lubos maisip na di kinakaya ng ibang tao ang mag let go kahit alam na nilang nasasaktan na sila... leche... pag sinabing LET GO! LET GO na! buti pang iba na lang pagkaabalahan mo di ba! sayang lang sa oras, luha, at energy yung ganun na pagmumukmok.... ewan...
tama na... kung anu-ano na sinusulat ko na di ko napagiisipan... inaantok na ako..
hay naku.. basta gudluck na lang sa mga taong in love at sa mga taong nangangarap ma-in love... basta ako di ko hahanapin... kung dumating sa akin eh darating.. eh kung hindi... eh di hindi... sabi nga nila... I don't know what I'm missing... eh sa kung di ko pa naman nararamdaman at napanghahawakan... walang rason para panghinayangan ko...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment